I keep stumbling across items and images that I immediately want to share with you.

So infectious that the perplexity of items I have to share is beautiful.

But you're not there.

I want to be in love again.

With you

I had a dream the other night. We are at a party. You know the type with awesome bass, costumes and fire.

We were distant toward each other, the feeling of tensions and incompleteness was strong.

And some how, some how. We came together, stepping closer like idiots dancing, paying to much attention to not step on feet.

There were these "I don't knows" and "Are you sure" being passed between us.

I don't know the moment we faced each other, or how the words played out, we kissed.

Such longing for this moment.

A beauty

Perfection

As I embraced the texture of your lips my dream was pulled away.

Alone

There I was, in my bed, with only myself for company.

We crossed paths that day. But only paths, never meeting in the intersection.

Sorry I have not been around the last few days to turn anything new out. I've been taking some time out to teach my self Blender. Blender is an open source 3D animation and production package. It's interface is a bit hard to get used to, but I hope to use it along with 3DS MAX to create some stellar CGI of mental imagery. I'll also be working a lot with Sara helping her bring her graphic novel to fruition.

Namaste

It is just a matter of perception. You create and navigate your own reality choosing what information is relevant to you and disregarding information that is not. Your mind operates under action potential and bias. Thus is the illusion of reality and choice. The sum of given circumstances, exposure to information and experience builds tiers of relevance in the unconcious mind. This system of relavance is meant to be taken for granted, invisible under the veil of desire and dislike. People who are indoctrinated, for example, into religion and a conservative lifestyle tend to have most of their experience and information garnered to form their own reality, displacing liberalism and outstanding religious beliefs. The latter can also be applied to the tree hugging hippie who's influence and cultural makeup produce an alternate paradigm of reality. In truth, both of their spiritual views and cultural views are completely valid for the makeup of their reality. The action potential is the sum of all data and experience giving rise to the manifestation of will and choice. Even more so, reality, or the illusion there of, is a circular system where you project your will outward to shape the experience of reality and thus your perception of reality can change and will affect the future outcome of reality and it's perception. When one stops to look inward and explore the makeup of oneself you can get a glimpse of the mechanics involved in what choice you project on reality and why or what you choose to see, believe, accept, refute and ignore. To be enlightened is to see all aspects of the self and it's role in the interaction of perception, choice and how it shapes ones own reality. To trancend this point of self and see all realities, yours and the others that manifest is no simple thing. It requires great self exploration and self understanding, as well as understanding others and exploring them. Only the idiot thinks they know everything.

I am slowly losing my mind. I wake up in the morning every day and the second light greets my eyes I think of you. I spend much more of my mental time entertaining memories of you and dreams of you than I would like to admit. Actually, to be honest it gets in my way a little. It makes me fragile under the surface though I keep this a secrete. It makes me stircrazy. It's okay. I love you.

I want to live with you. I want to create with you. I want to mary you and see your face grow old. I want to know what your smile will look like on the face of our daughter. I will forgive you for your tragedies. I want to stand in the center of the fire and be burned along side you for bewitching my soul.

You tell me you want this too. I make a choice. I choose to believe you and love you like you do.

Oh my god I'm going to San Francisco this Friday night to see Alex Grey give a lecture along with his wife Alison Grey. I'm am so totally stoked. And the after party..... live art and great trance music.